Psychedelic fish brains and the space sex geckos...
There was a full moon rising over the west mountains when I decided to sacrifice her. I put her in the passenger seat of the Ranger and drove her out to the north western edge of the island to a remote location called Makaluapuna Point or Dragon’s Teeth as it’s also known. There is also an ancient Hawaiian burial site there that dates back to 610 A.D. I felt strongly that this was the perfect place to get rid of her. I carried her down the jagged remains of the last lava flow that poured out of the west mountains and made my way to the edge of the point. The waves were crashing violently below and the wind was howling on my back. I lifted her to the sky as the moon shown through the clouds and I threw her down in to the angry surf. A wave picked her up and smashed her in to the rocks. She broke apart and floated around until another wave came and took her down in to the black. She was gone.
As I walked back to the Ranger I could see bonfires raging on the beach to the east. There were people with high powered head lamps wading in the surf holding large spears. As I walked closer I could hear a drum circle going full steam, and loud chanting. Then one of the spearman came running up to the party with whatever he had killed. Jesus...I had heard rumours about this sort of thing going on during the full moon. I thought it was just bullshit, but there it was happening right before my eyes, a psychedelic fish party. Certain fish that live in the reef produce effects similar to LSD when the heads and brains are eaten. Most likely they were catching the Yellowstripe Goatfish, also called the “the chief of ghosts” in Hawaii. Sarpa Salpa, a species of sea bream was actually used in Roman times as a recreational drug. Arabs called it “the fish that makes dreams”. Hell, a good high is a good high, and it doesn’t change over the centuries. Who am I to judge? Everybody has their preference of poison. Mine being simple just beer and bourbon and sometimes rum. Some people prefer marijuana in all forms all the time, some prefer cocaine, others prefer pills, or extreme excercise, or food, or even sending geckos out into outer space to see if they have sex, and then there is this strange batch of islanders that prefer psychedelic fish poisoning. To each their own. The thought crossed my mind for an instant to go down and get a closer look...for the story of course, but I decided to turn my back on the whole thing and get back in the Ranger and drive away.
That was four months ago, and I finally replaced the sacrificed with a new laptop and I am writing on her now. So here I am living on the west side far away from the skill village sitting on a extra wide balcony drinking Coors Banquet writing. I live in what they call the ghetto here, but it is far from a real ghetto. It’s the Maui ghetto. No crime, no violence, no prostitutes, just palm trees and turqouis water, sea turtles and aloha. I’m just guessing here, but I don’t think that any of these people that call this the ghetto have ever been to the Tenderloin District in San Francisco...with all the crackheads, trannies, drug dealers, and the combinations of all three on every corner dancing to the steady beat of gunshots all night long. I live in a 2 star resort I call the Sunset Tenements and I call the beautiful beach I live across from trash beach. I call them this ironically because I’m told that I live in the ghetto.
The Sunset Tenements is a haven for geckos, and I catch them everynight and let them loose in the apartment. There are at least a dozen living in here right now as I write. I can hear them chirping. If you see them on a wall you will think that they are lazy and slow, but you are wrong, they will methodically kill every insect in your apartment at a measured pace. If you take the lizards out of the equation we get overrun with bloodsucking tropical pests. They live peacefully with humans. No danger. Now I understand why the Russians are sending them to space to see if they can reproduce. When we have to leave earth to survive we will need them to take care of all the dangerous space insects.
I spend my free time now sitting on a beach chair with a cooler full of ice and beer looking out at the islands of Molokai and Lanai across the Pailolo (which translates to crazy fisherman) Channel. I get up every once in awhile off my chair and jump into the ocean for a swim...I swim with the sea turtles and think damn they are just as lazy as I am as they slowly meander the rocks, then I get out, sit back down and listen to some country music until the sun sets. Then I walk across the street to my home. This hasn’t gotten old yet, but I hope I don’t get to the point where there is nothing left to do on this island but eat fish brains to escape.
9/10/14